2020.05.18 Final Reports
Taken place on the free social VR platform Mozilla Hubs, “Closet” is an online interactive exhibition about a Chinese queer's coming out story.
Walking inside Jude's secret "closet" filled with childhood photos, love notes, and video interviews, the audience is introduced to Jude’s personal journey of learning about her sexuality and experience of coming out.
Background
CLOSET is the project that firstly conceptualized when I was working on my master’s thesis at Pratt Institute. I found it hard to come out to my parents, and I was fascinated by how much VR can empower the story by a visual and audio and sometimes smell and tasting experience. It’s magical like a time-traveling machine to me.
According to my research, China is home to the world's largest lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) population. Until a decade ago, LGBT people were an invisible and hidden population in Chinese society. Although legal persecution was repealed in 1997, discrimination against LGBT people still exists. A report by the United Nations Development Program in 2016 found no more than 15% of LGBT people in China came out to their close family members.
In recent years, more and more young Chinese queers seek help from the Internet and technologies to embrace their identity and sexuality. Dating app such as Blued and Rela has brought together a minority community without activism and helped a generation of Chinese come out of the closet.
Ideation and Prototype
Along my way of exploring the best way to tell my own story, I encountered several obstacles:
My mom felt dizzy when wearing the VR headset;
VR headsets are not accessible, and the making of VR content requires high-level computer hardware.
As I was testing different approaches to VR storytelling, it led me to the concept of MR, which was partially somehow based on reality and the physical world. That’s why I first thought I should build a physical exhibition to both avoid the problem of VR dizziness and accessibility of content creation.
So here are my earlier sketches of the CLOSET:
I imagined that my story can be told in a real bedroom, and the closet is powered by digital content. With my experience in AR, I also wanted to learn more about physical computing, project mapping, and mixed reality devices such as Magic Leap.
However, the COVID-19 made us stay at home and be away from physical learning and practicing at the XRlab. So, I started to rethink my approach by also researching across-platform spaces. That’s how I learned about social VR and Mozilla Hubs.
It started to make sense to me:
First, it’s accessible to all. Creators and users can access the project on the browser. I don’t need an expensive computer to create VR content, and my audience don’t need to wear fancy headsets to enjoy my work.
Second, it pushes me to create for the story, not for the technology.
That’s how I drafted my story and was later used as the narration to lead the non-linear storyline in a virtual space.
I also taught myself how to make 3D models in Blender by following Youtube tutorials; I learned how to customize texture in Adobe Dimension, which is so much faster and easier than in Maya. I explored the Mozilla Hubs and Spoke to build the exhibition from scratch to a virtual space that represents my inner world.
During my exploration, there are some interesting finds that are crucial to my thesis and future creative making:
Compared to traditional filmmaking that is powered by cutting and editing, MR storytelling is powered by curation and discovery. I need to think about how the story can be consumed like playing a game. I need to think about how to introduce the world to the player in an informative and consistent way.
The feelings can be presented by spaces. There are different shapes/rooms in the CLOSET for different stages of story of my life. For example, my childhood was presented in a pipe. It’s narrow, and it feels enclosed; my love story was presented in a moon. The surface of the moon seems super thick, but it is enterable. These are all the little details that help my audience to understand how I felt.
Narration and music is the trigger for emotion. No matter how realistic the 3D models look, it’s still not our reality. However, with the help of narration and music, I am able to connect with the audience as a human being. Even though the world is odd, fake, cheesy, and disconnected, my narration will be the lead for their feelings to the world. The narration can also be consistent with simple and repeating, or “brainwashing”, background music.
Screenshot of the moon in CLOSET
Screenshot of Jude’s music production for CLOSET, you can see the green bar which represents for the melody I composed for the BGM is super simple and repeating.
Conclusion
Overall, I think my prototype of creating an across-platform MR story was a sort of success. I have been receiving positive feedback from multiple groups by presenting to my peers and during the IDM showcase 2020. I am also super thankful for the quarantine that lead me to think beyond my knowledge and create beyond my ability.
（Screenshot of some feedback for the CLOSET）
（Screenshot of CLOSET being featured at IDM Showcase 2020）
Feedbacks from Pre-thesis final showcase:
Fei: This is a great project! Love the idea of letting your parent into your closet. An invitation rather than a confrontation. Creates the ability for the viewer to feel empathy. Reminds me of Nahee's Daddy Residency project, which she decided she wanted to create to communicate the idea of a new way of thinking about reproductive work and gender politics. Also love the idea of an enacted performance. I think the idea of creating a “building” full of boxes/peoples’ secrets that they want to share to be very interesting. Maybe the buildings can be connected and a password unlocks one of them, where the viewer/audience can unlock that door but see that there’s other stories - symbolizing that this is a feeling that many share.
Luke : This is so excellent. One thought re: user testing is to take advantage of NYU’s LGBTQ+ Center. They can help you get this in front of folks who could try it out and give feedback. I love the idea of it being a communal / social project but don’t lose track of your own voice and your own story - it centers the piece, is brave, poetic, and romantic.
Dan: Pam’s comments: moved by the metaphor of the rigid geometric space of the box, and inviting people into it. The narration and the music really fit; tremendous for a prototype! Having continuity in the themes / the specificity is helpful. the real kernel of the project is the story and the experience, and the generosity of spirit of sharing it
Kit: I had the opportunity to speak with you about the project during the showcase, I think it’s immensely successful so far, seeing it presented again I am struck by the work you are seeking to do around placemaking, if you are interested in theory, some ppl who might resonate are Sandy Stone and Donna Haraway, picking up on Taehee’s comments, the work reminds me of the importance of “cyberspace” in building LGBTQ community in late 90s. Love the accessibility of the web-based model, and agree that your storytelling is very effective + generous. We talked about idea that your story may not be static, may be in state of becoming, so agree with others, keep yourself in the mix as an active storyteller
Dan writing on Taehee’s comment:
excited to see how this project will grow. the specific experience then makes it relatable for a larger audience.
resonances with the visual language of early 2000 anonymous LGBTQ community in east asia, where anonymity itself was a strength, or maybe under a group name
how will participants themselves create a closet, archive, community, garden, home, etc? how will it adapt to each different group?
Taehee: I’m interested in how accessible in building the “closet”- would someone need a manuel? (I think your story is a great blueprint where participants would be able to build upon). Huh closet as a building block. wow
The more specific experiences are the more relatable
FUTURE
I will keep working on perfecting CLOSET and organize community gatherings and live performances in the space. I will also try to tell different stories to test my argument.
Appendix
BBC News. 2020. Why China’S LGBT Hide Their Identities At Lunar New Year. [online] Available at: <https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-china-51199309> [Accessed 18 May 2020].
Bye, K., 2020. The Yang And The Yin Of Immersive Storytelling With Oculus' Yelena Rachitsky. [online] Road to VR. Available at: <https://www.roadtovr.com/yang-yin-immersive-storytelling-oculus-yelena-rachitsky/> [Accessed 18 May 2020].
Costigan, J., 2020. Chinese And Out In America — And Only In America - Supchina. [online] SupChina. Available at: <https://supchina.com/2019/07/04/chinese-and-out-in-america-and-only-in-america/> [Accessed 18 May 2020].
D&AD. 2020. Creative Storytelling Trends In The Age Of The Algorithm. [online] Available at: <https://www.dandad.org/en/d-ad-creative-brand-storytelling-features-opinions/> [Accessed 18 May 2020].
Instagram. 2020. Alvin Huang, AIA, NOMA On Instagram: “Coming Soon! #Somewhereundertherainbow Is A Permanent #Publicart Piece By @Synthesisdesignandarchitecture That Transforms The SR520/40Th…”. [online] Available at: <https://www.instagram.com/p/B8wwacuBBoq/?utm_source=ig_embed> [Accessed 18 May 2020].
Medium. 2020. Virtual Reality: The Shift From Storytelling To “Storyliving” Is Real. [online] Available at: <https://medium.com/journalism360/virtual-reality-the-shift-from-storytelling-to-storyliving-is-real-ff465c220cc3> [Accessed 18 May 2020].
Nytimes.com. 2020. How A Dating App Helped A Generation Of Chinese Come Out Of The Closet. [online] Available at: <https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/05/magazine/blued-china-gay-dating-app.html> [Accessed 18 May 2020].
O’Connor, M., 2020. The Storytelling Computer. [online] Nautilus. Available at: <http://nautil.us/issue/75/story/the-storytelling-computer?utm_source=RSS_Feed&utm_medium=RSS&utm_campaign=RSS_Syndication> [Accessed 18 May 2020].
Stonewall. 2020. Coming Out. [online] Available at: <https://www.stonewall.org.uk/help-advice/coming-out-0> [Accessed 18 May 2020].
Taylor & Francis. 2020. Coming Out In Mainland China: A National Survey Of LGBTQ Students. [online] Available at: <https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/19361653.2019.1565795?journalCode=wjly20&> [Accessed 18 May 2020].
The Stranger. 2020. What It's Like Coming Out As Queer In A Traditional Chinese Family. [online] Available at: <https://www.thestranger.com/queer-issue-2018/2018/06/20/27819158/what-its-like-coming-out-as-queer-in-a-traditional-chinese-family> [Accessed 18 May 2020].
UNDP. 2020. Being LGBTI In China | UNDP In China. [online] Available at: <https://www.cn.undp.org/content/china/en/home/library/democratic_governance/being-lgbt-in-china.html> [Accessed 18 May 2020].
2020.05.04 Prototype 4.0
This week I made progress on the space design and the narration for the exhibition. I also composed the background music for the narration.
First of all, I watched a 1-hour gameplay of Gone Home, and I got inspired by how the story was told in pieces.
Screenshot of Gone Home
I found it fascinating that the players get connected with the narrator, event though the environment is like a ghost hunt. So I wrote a script:
不知道从什么时候开始
I don’t know when it happened
我发现自己生活在一个盒子里
But I realize I was living in a box
我也不知道这个盒子从哪里来
I don’t know where it comes from
为什么会出现在我身上
and why it happens to me
从小我就发现和别人不太一样
Early on, I found myself different from other people
我的穿着打扮不太像个普通的女孩儿
I don’t like to dress like a normal girl
比起芭比娃娃我更喜欢玩具汽车
I prefer toy cars to Barbies
比起小公主 我刚希望当那个保护小公主的骑士
Instead of being a little princess, I would rather be the knight who protects the princess
渐渐地 我发现我的世界不需要像童话故事里那样两性分明
Gradually, I found my world was not gender binary like a fairytale
原来谁都可以短头发
It turns out girls can be in short hairs
原来女孩子不一定非要穿裙子
Girls don’t need to wear a dress
原来女生也可以很帅很帅
Girls can be super cool
原来女生也可以喜欢女生
Girls can fall in love with girls
第一次喜欢上她是高中的时候
I had my first crush in high school
每一次对视都让我心里小鹿乱撞
Every time I saw her, I can feel the butterfly in my stomach
那时候手机的内存还很小
There was only a little storage on the phone at that time
她回复的一句“好的”我都会兴奋地摘抄在小本子上
I would write down every single message she sent to me
even if it was a simple “ok”
当然我也有彷徨的时候
I was scared to death
我害怕自己的不一样会吓到她
I don’t know if my love will freak her out
在一起后 我们在街上会刻意保持着距离
When we were dating, we kept a distance from each other
很怕我们的不一样会引来旁人侧目
We were scared that other people will stare at us
即便如此 还是有一次在地铁上被一个陌生人讽刺道：
Even though, I was still abused by a stranger on a subway,
“你是男的还是女的啊？”
“Are you a boy or a girl?”
东野圭吾在《白夜行》里写过一句话：
In the Journey Under the Midnight Sun, Keigo Higashino wrote,
“他们所愿不过是手拉着手在阳光下漫步。”
“All they wanted was to hold each other’s hand and take a walk under the sun.”
这句话形容我的每一段恋情再合适不过了
That’s exactly how I felt about my relationships
我甚至不知道我究竟错在哪里 我们相爱究竟错在哪里
I don’t even know why it’s considered wrong
但只知道我们的真情实感会被别人当成怪物
But sometimes we are treated like a freak
这个会把你当变态的人甚至是你最亲密的人
Even by your loved ones
有一次电视里提及了同性恋的话题
There was one time, my mom watched something about homosexuals
我妈妈不经意地对我说：“你要是同性恋我就打断你的腿！”
She told me, “I will break your leg if you are gay!”
当我第一次鼓足勇气跟我的发小说我喜欢上了一个女生
When I finally made my mind to tell my childhood friend that I had a crush on a girl
她在火锅店里大惊失措地喊道：“什么？你是同性恋？！”
She was yelling at a hot pot restaurant, “what? You are gay?”
这些刺耳的声音和尴尬的时刻都深深地印在了我的记忆里
I can still recall their voice and those embarrassing moments were deeply rooted in my mind.
我知道他们并无恶意
I know that they didn’t mean it
只不过是对未知事物都抱有本能的排斥心理而已
It was common to overact to things that you are not familiar with
尤其是在一个还没有准备好接受不同的社会环境里
Especially in a more conservative society
但我还是小心翼翼地把我的不一样都深深藏了起来
But I still decided to hide my difference
一开始我以为只是需要藏那个摘抄着手机短信的笔记本
In the beginning, I thought I was just hiding that notebook filled with messages
但久而久之又多了毛绒玩具 相册 情书 抱枕……塞满了整整一个衣柜
Then there were toys, albums, love letters, all kinds of souvenirs...They filled up my entire closet
我小心翼翼地对家人编织着一个又一个的谎言
I carefully lied to my parents again and again and again
我深藏起来的岂止是那些相爱过的痕迹
What I’m hiding from them is not only the objects embedded with our love
更是我的喜怒哀乐 我的全部情感
But also my emotions, my entire history of relationships
曾经和一个女生很幸运地走到了要谈婚论嫁的地步
There was one time, I was almost married to a girl
我不希望我的父母因为不知情而缺席我人生中所有重要的时刻
I don’t want my parents to miss all the important moments of my life
我忍不住问父母，你们对我未来的期待是什么
I can’t help asking them, what’s their expectations for my future
妈妈说：“我希望你能找到你爱的也爱你的人。”
My mom said, “I want you to find the one you love who also loves you.”
爸爸说：“未来活成你自己的样子就可以了，
My dad said, “just be who you are”
不管别人怎么想，你自己觉得好就好了。”
“You don’t need to care about others. Just be happy for yourself.”
那一刻，我发现我已经做到了
At that moment, I know that I have already achieved that
与其说出柜
Instead of coming out of the closet
不如说要邀请我爱的人们一起进入那个藏满了秘密的大柜子里
I should invite my loved ones to step inside my closet
把我的开心和难过都能分享给你们
Share my happiness and sadness to them
让你们看到，不一样的我也一样过得很好
and show them that, I am happy, even though I am different
一路走来，我认识了很多优秀的同道中人
I have met so many wonderful people on my way
有非常非常让人羡慕的模范伴侣
There were adorable couples
也有在各行各业非常非常优秀的人
awesome people who are shinning in their own field
也有致力于让迷茫的人们找到归宿的领路人
And people who stand out and dedicated to building the community for people like me
我发现最可怕的不是别人过激的反应
I realize that the scariest thing is not other people’s overaction
而是在别人有反应之前就默认了别人会过激
But to think other people will overact by default
从而选择了逃避，封闭了自己的内心
That default makes me run away and shut others out of my world
我发现最遗憾的也不是不能和爱人相伴一生
I found that the most regretful thing is not being able to spend your life with your loved ones
而是我们相爱过却无人知晓
But you were in love and no one knows
我希望可以和我爱的人大大方方地手拉手在阳光下散步
I wish I could hold my partner’s hand and walk under the sun
也希望可以让关心我的家人朋友们放心
I also wish my parents won’t worry about me in the future
不会因为我的生活与众不同而惊慌失措
Don’t panic about my life different from other people
只需要诚心祝福我们开心就好
But sincerely happy for me being happy
说到底谁还没有点小秘密
At the end, who doesn’t have a secret
谁还没有点和别人不一样的特质
Who doesn’t have something special
人生的道路上 谁没有过报喜不报忧 负重前行
Who didn’t come this far with an invisible closet
希望你也可以和我一样 跟自己和解 跟关心我们的人们敞开心扉
I hope you can be like me, make peace to your self, and open up your world to your loved ones
那些我们身上不一样的特质并没有让我们成为怪物
Those made us different didn’t make us a monster
而正是因为我们每个人都不一样，这个世界才丰富多彩
Thanks to those differences, our world is a rainbow paradise
I also recorded the voiceover with the music I composed.
Screenshot of Logic
Also, I redesigned the space with diverse experience of viewing.
